Nyaa nyaa nya nyaa nyaaaa!

July 17th, 2008

So, today when I dropped Babyzilla off at school, one of his charming classmates took it upon himself to yell at gently inform me, “[Babyzilla] was pushing Bobby today!!”

That’s great, kid. Now go play in traffic or something.

But seriously, I get it. Babyzilla, who’s one step away from juvy, pushed Bobby. I already knew about it. Obviously it didn’t happen “today” because today hadn’t even started yet. That’s one aspect I really hate about all of this –-the ‘tattle-tale’ kids and a lack of concept of time at this age. One incident turns into something that happened yesterday, today, tomorrow…. and is reported with great enthusiasm as often as a need for dramatic announcements dictates.

I’ve even been tripped up by Babyzilla himself, saying he hit someone as if it just happened, when he’s actually referring to something that occurred days, if not weeks, ago. A little more prying reveals that, for whatever reason, he’s just regurgitating a previous incident already known to me. (He’s undoubtedly trying to give me a heart attack so he can claim his inheritance before kindergarten.) This is probably why I’m convinced he’s nailing someone every five minutes, while his teachers seem relatively unconcerned.

Lord knows what the other kids are saying to their parents, though. The mom of this particular child seemed decidedly uninterested in his proclamation, but who knows? She could have whispered to him covertly, “Just avoid Devil Child for now and we’ll have you transferred to another class as soon as possible,” or, “We’ll commence with the witch hunt when the new school year starts in the Fall.”

Yes, I’m feeling defensive toward a preschooler. Perspective has never been one of my strong suits.

Rot In Hell, Hans

July 10th, 2008

So, Hans Reiser, who, during a six-month trial, vehemently denied having anything to do with the disappearance of his estranged wife Nina, has now led police to her dead body in a purported bid to be convicted of second-degree murder rather than first-degree murder. He has finally admitted that he strangled her to death.

That’s just great. He ostentatiously denied and denied and denied. Was reportedly rude, combative, and manipulative in court. He even suggested that his wife had returned to and was hiding out in her native Russia. But as soon as the shit hit the fan and he was trapped, it was, “Oops! I guess I did do it. Here’s the body. Reduced sentence, please.”

Ok, yes, he’s a murderer, and therefore we can hardly expect him to be honest (although some people do fess up when they know their back is against the wall). But to be such an asshole about it, to get up on the stand and not just lie, but lie in such an egotistical manner, to go on and on for a reported eleven days proclaiming complete innocence…. Does the man have any conscience, any scrap of decency at all?

Again, yes, he’s a murderer. How can I expect him to have a conscience or be decent? But murders can happen when people get whipped up in a frenzy of rage –particularly in a situation as contentious as a nasty divorce –and they do things they don’t mean to do. I’m not saying in any way that this makes it excusable, just saying that you can do things in the heat of the moment that you sincerely regret later. Haven’t we all in some shape or form?

So, maybe I’m expecting too much from old Hans –that he might actually feel some remorse for killing the mother of his children, instead of being an egotistical blowhard. Sure, he didn’t want to go to jail, so he denied the charge, but if you’re going to deny it, enter your plea and then keep your damn mouth shut. Don’t insult everyone with your bullshit grandiose claims of innocence while your murdered wife lies in a shallow grave on a hillside and her family searches for her desperately.

Bite me, Hans.


Everything I know about love, I learned from watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette

July 9th, 2008

1. The hot, rich guy will always go for the ditzy blond, if one is available.

2. It doesn’t matter if you’re a gal who’s so oblivious you’re not capable of recognizing a major national landmark either by sight or name. As long as you are beautiful, twenty-five guys will instantly fall in love with you.

3. The bitchier a woman is, the more guys will be falling all over themselves trying to win her heart.

4. A woman who wastes time watching crap like this probably doesn’t deserve to have a nice husband, even one who does alarming things with power tools.