Further Observations On Hannah Montana (Somebody shoot me now.)

September 25th, 2008

Why does her little friend look like a Polly Pocket on speed? It hardly seems fair. Hannah gets to sport the teenage tartlette look, while Lola appears to be channeling really bad ’80s New Wave crossed with Britney Spears in one of her manic episodes

Ok, I’ll stop now.


I swurr.

Acceptable or Unacceptable, Vol. III

September 23rd, 2008

Another two-parter:

1. You let your three-year-old watch ‘Hannah Montana’.

2. You let yourself watch ‘Hannah Montana’.

Acceptable or unacceptable?

Damage Done

September 20th, 2008

My husband gave me a kick-scooter for my last birthday. No, it wasn’t a subtle hint that I should get more exercise….. uh, maybe…… but really, it was so I could keep up with Babyzilla, who’s a mad, mad scootin’ maven. He goes so fast on his little Razor, it literally scares me. There’s no way I could just walk after him and yell, “Slow down!” the way I see other moms doing it. Nope –I scoot after him as fast as my aging mommy-bod can go and yell, “Slow down!!”

I’m pretty sure I’m the only scootin’ mom in the neighborhood, quite possibly the whole county. Of course I absolutely require that Scooter Knievel wear a helmet, but I give myself a bye.

Recently Babyzilla asked me, “Mommy, why do I have to wear a helmet but you don’t?”

Why?  Because Mommy’s a mommy, which means she’s already brain-dead. A sidewalk thump on the noggin ain’t gonna make any difference at this point.

Now, go make Mommy a cosmo, kid, and stop thinking so much. You’re going to hurt yourself.

And it’s good for you too!*

September 16th, 2008

My buddy Kris (aka Kristin –-I guess I really DO have a thing for Kristins/ens!) stopping by this humble blog reminded me that she had previously requested wine recommendations. Never the one to disappoint, I offer the following:

Sauvignon Blanc is my favored white wine,
A delicious drink that’s mighty fine.

Specifically, I like Reserve Brancott.
I like, I like Brancott a lot!

It’s fruity and dry, with a bit of flint,
And floral overtone, there’s just a hint.

A mid-priced wine that hits the spot,
Go and get ya some yummy Brancott!

*This statement has not been approved by the FDA… But what do they know?

Kids say the darndest things

September 11th, 2008

While I was driving him home from school yesterday, Babyzilla took it upon himself to inform me, quite emphatically, of the following:

“You have options, see? You can make a choice between birthdays and having a birthday party or just getting some old trucks. Then you won’t be bad for speeding.”

Well okay then.

Maybe this was a roundabout criticism of my driving.

I guess it’s true what they say about insanity running in families….

And now for something completely different…

September 9th, 2008

An Ode To Lists

You keep me from forgetting things,
Even through my worst mood swings.

When I’m confused and full of doubt,
You get my life all straightened out.

I make lists, yes, lists galore,
And then I need to make some more.

Though not just numbered 1, 2, 3,
But parsed down to Part 6, Section B.

My life is a list, this much is true,
So if I finished my lists, what would I do?

From past experience I’d take heed.
I’d make lists of all the lists I need!

Down the rabbit hole

September 5th, 2008

The internet is freakin’ insidious, isn’t it? A few hours ago I started to do a search on ‘BlogHer’ (an online community for women who blog) because I was thinking of becoming a member, but I didn’t know the specific URL. Well, Google likes to give me helpful suggestions when I start typing into the Search box, and one of them was ‘blogher dooce drunk’. Well, who the hell could resist that? I read Dooce (for the uninitiated, a blog written by a woman named Heather Armstrong) sometimes; I’m familiar with Heather’s appreciation of adult beverages. This sounded like fun.

So, I gamely click ‘blogher dooce drunk’, and one of the results leads off with “Dooce vs. the Drunk Volcano”. This immediately conjures up an image of a very sauced Ms. Armstrong straddling a model volcano (a la high school science project) and riding it like a mechanical bull in a honky-tonk bar during an alcohol infused BlogHer event. Yes, I realize that it’s supposed to be the volcano that’s drunk, but the ‘random and disturbing images’ part of my mind doesn’t always line up all the pieces in a logical order.

Turns out that Dooce was not the slightest bit drunk, and the volcano was actually another blogger making a comment to Heather at the last BlogHer conference, held in San Francisco. There was an awkward exchange between the two of them, and a number of people construed this as some sort of blog-eat-blog smackdown. From the video I watched, the whole thing seemed fairly benign to me, and, in my opinion, other bloggers are just being petty about it, but I couldn’t help thinking, “Damn! I should’ve gone to BlogHer! Oh, the drama!” San Francisco is basically on my doorstep after all. I practically could’ve hosted my own drunk volcano-riding party. But when I first heard of BlogHer, I was pretty new to the blogosphere and not part of the social scene. The only other bloggers with whom I’ve had any personal exchanges at all are Kristen at Mommy Needs A Cocktail (LOVE her t-shirts) and Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored (she’s wonderfully ballsy and I think she’s Da Bomb). No, I don’t have a thing for people named Kristen….. Or at least I don’t think I do. Hmmm….

Anyway, ‘blogher dooce drunk’ and the drunk volcano led me to lots of other interesting posts about the weirdness of the BlogHer conference, how much people love/hate Heather Armstrong, Jon Armstrong’s defense of his wife, people who seem drunk when they’re really not, magical hobbits…….

Hours later, joining BlogHer has been all but forgotten. Never mind that it’s been on my ‘To Do’ list for over a month now. In fact, I’m about to do my celebrity morph. What could be more productive than that? That’s what I love about the internet –you suddenly find all these things you need to do that are so much more important than what you initially set out to do. After all, everybody needs a celebrity morph.